Group C

I think this painting, Trumpet Vine, is my best work, but no one has ever commented on it. The swirls in the background suggest the vine. The spots of bright light seem to be sun dapples pushing through dense foliage. I’ve hung the painting in a place of honor over my mantel, but people’s eyes slide over it. Instead they are delighted by Bottles on a Shelf (Jan. 24), or Something Comes (Nov. 29), or any of another dozen paintings I display at home. I offered it for sale in a gallery for a while, along with other floral subjects, and, again, nothing. People just did not see it. It was rejected.

Rejection is a great mystery to any creative person. Why does a movie or a play flop, a song disappear, a book go unread? What’s wrong with the work (or the artist’s thinking) that dooms it? I think every artist takes comfort from the stories of artists rejected in their day whose work endures—Mozart, Van Gogh, Dickinson. Call these the A Group artists. Also comforting are thoughts of successful artists whose work later withered, the B Group. Rarely mentioned by any artist is the C Group, artists whose work is ignored in its time and remains forgotten forever after. That is the painful reality for the majority of artists, but we do not discuss it. We know, however. I know I am and will continue to be part of Group C, unknown now, unknown later. I am invisible talent.

For artists like me, the question becomes how to live with this. We convince ourselves we create to please ourselves. Pleasing others is not important. Our work is its own reward. Group A artists write about the necessity of stubbornly holding on to their vision no matter what critics think. So we who are not to be them do the same. My craft, my vision. This will sustain me.

This is a lie.

Affirmation does matter. We do want other people to enjoy our offerings. What makes us human is our need for others and we do not cease to be human when we create. We hunger for recognition. Somebody look. I am and I matter. I live. My real motivation is the insane hope that someday I can like a Group A artist say, “I told you so.”

In the meantime, maybe I should try putting a spotlight on the painting.

Above: Trumpet Vine, acrylic on canvas, 18x24 inches. Copyright 2007 ptw.